Thursday, July 24, 2008

Today At Work - Mental Swearing And Rambunctious Lesbians

Today I worked from 1:00 to 9:30. I hate long days like that. Even with a half-hour lunch break in the middle, it really just gets me down having to work that long in a row.

The deposit machine deep in the bowels of the mall, where we usually put the day's cash and check takings, has been broken for about a week now. So we must manually take the deposits over to the Bank of America also in the mall complex. It was just me and Kiel (pronounced "Kyle") on-shift for a bit today, and he was very busy, so he told me to go and do it.

"Here," he said, thrusting a plastic envelope into my hands. "Drop this off at the bank, and get a receipt."

"Yesterday's receipts?" I asked. He nodded. "How much?" I asked.

"Not much. Around two thousand," he said.

Two thousand dollars. Cash.

In my pocket.

After getting directions to the bank, I left to go get to my car, every step of the way through the mall thinking "Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, I have $2,100 in cash in my pocket." I'm pretty sure I was emitting visible "Rob me!" rays, because I noticed more than my share of menacing-looking people closing in on me. I fled to the car and promptly got lost.

I was actually afraid that, in my jumbled thoughts, I would get stuck in auto-pilot and start driving home. This sounds like a comedic exaggeration, but if I start driving and I lose a clear focus of where I'm going, I go to the mall. Or from the mall to home, if I'm already at the mall.

It's...become instinct. Many's the time that I've snapped out of a light trance, found myself circling the mall parking lot, and thinking "Dammit, I wanted to go to the movie theater," or something. So I was afraid that I would mechanically proceed home, arrive with the cash still in my pocket, cause Kiel to think I was taking too long and assume I'd stolen the money, and all sorts of troubles would ensue.

I finally found the bank and made the deposit without incident. So it worked out okay.

Later that day, I was standing in line at Taco Bell to refill Kiel's Diet Pepsi (he sends me on little errands like this a lot, I don't mind, because I enjoy getting out of the store for a minute or two) and these three girls were having a conversation in front of me which I was sort of tuning out, until I heard this snippet:

"You're not only a lesbian, you're a rambunctious lesbian. You need to chill out sometimes."

I leaned in and said "Mind if I suddenly take an interest in this conversation?" This earned a round of hearty laughs, so I started talking to them and got one of their phone numbers. (A nice girl named Haley, turned out to be the only straight one in the group. lolz.)

That evening, a boy and his mother came into the store. He traded in several games and selected a game to purchase - Grand Theft Auto IV. He was twelve years old. The game is rated M for Mature for, mainly, being a GTA title. So, being the responsible person I am compelled by store policy to be, I said:

"Ma'am, are you aware this game is rated M for...Intense Violence, Blood and Gore, Strong Sexual Themes, Nudity, Drug and Alcohol Use, and Strong Language?"

Her reaction: "...Really?"

His reaction: "Gngh! Shhh!"

Unfortunately, Amaury (my coworker) and I were forced to tell the whole truth. It played out something like this:

Mom: "Is there swearing?"
Amaury: "The whole nine yards."
Me: "Yeah. Scarface-level swearing."
Mom: "Oh, dear."
Kid: "Mooom, you already agreed."
Mom: "Well, I didn't know. Now, what's this about Strong Sexual Themes?"
Amaury: *shrugs* "There's a strip club."
Mom: "Does it have topless women?"
Me: "You ever see a strip club that didn't?"
(Amaury thought this was such a good line, he high-fived me right on the spot. The kid found it less amusing, but even the mom chuckled briefly before realizing just what she was laughing at.)

And so on. The kid ended up not getting the game and swearing revenge on me. Hey, better for his mom to find out now, as opposed to hearing some of the salty language or seeing some of the really bad stuff you can do in the game (I dare not even speak of the way to regenerate your health). She would have yelled at him, then taken the game back and yelled at me for not telling her, and I didn't feel like the headache.

That was more or less everything interesting that happened today.

9 comments:

La Zinga said...

http://blackenedend.blogspot.com/

Givin' this stuff a try.

-Jake

P.S. lol, gta

rekenner said...

Yeah, I closed out my bank account at one bank and carried $1000 to another bank like 2 miles away, a lot closer to where I was living then. My entire thought process during this was "Ohshitdon'tmugmeOhshitdon'tmugmeOhshitdon'tmugme"

Michelle said...

you're mean! his mom was there, isn't that enough? what if someone did that to you in front of mom when YOU were a kid? i know i never woulda heard the end of it...

Anonymous said...

You did exactly the right thing. And if his mother hadn't been there, you could not have legally sold him the game, correct?

I know about carrying around large sums. When we sold our house in NH before moving down here, I got a check for a large amount (six figures) which represented the amount we got for the NH house minus the mortgage and fees. We needed that to buy the FL house, but while I was carrying it around, I had exactly that same reaction: what if I lose it? What if I fill out the bank form wrong and I deposit it into some unknown account? What if I tear it so it's no longer any good? Then we can't buy the FL house, and we are effectively homeless...

But just as with you, everything turned out fine. We both have to remember this the next time we let our minds run away with panic attacks.

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you did the responsible thing and let the Mom know the truth. good for you. Speaking for Moms everywhere, thanks!
Mom

Anonymous said...

If the mom didn't take the responsibility to look at ANY of the words or pictures on the game she was buying for her kid, then she reaps what she sows. You and I both know the kid didn't want gta to hang in the strip club and giggle at 'swearing'. Well, at least it does save you some time with a mom being angry with you (wrongfully so I might add, she should be angry at her own negligence towards her child's life and hobbies, what could POSSIBLY be more important to her than her child).

-Steve

Anonymous said...

I am forced to politely disagree with Steve, in the following way.

Have you ever looked at a technical diagram of something outside of your area of expertise, and been totally baffled by it? And then had someone who does understand that field show you what are (in hindsight, and after they have been pointed out to you) very obvious things that you understand, because they have been explained and shown to you?

Well, that is how the Mom sees the video game package. She literally has no clue about this field that almost everyone here takes for granted, and is a relative expert in. She has never heard of the game, she doesn't understand the different levels, and she simply missed the relatively obscure and tiny square on the box labelled "M".

Not because she is an idiot, not because she wasn't paying attention to her child, but because this is outside her area of expertise. Kudo's to Luke and Amaury for educating her.

-- Luke's proud Dad

Anonymous said...

I politely still disagree. It is one thing when you don't know how to look at a diagram, but just a passing glance at the cover to the game shows guns, gangs, and girls. On top of that, ESRB is very similar to movie ratings in form and so should be familiar to most people. Even without the ESRB, then there are words, not diagrams, but words on the back for them to read about the content of the game. It sounds to me like a mother would have to be in a daze to not recognize what she was buying for her child.

-Steve

Lucinda said...

Haha, I was that kid a few times. A 12 year old definitely shouldn't be playing that game, especially the things that they say when they have sex ("You're special" "Tell me something interesting"), poor kid would be very very confused about the world. = )