Check this ouuuut. I have recently, thanks to three female friends of mine, obtained an entirely new look.
Here's the scenario. I'm in my room on my computer doing whatever middling little nonsense I usually get up to on the Internet, and Walter (my roommate) and Catherine (one of the aforementioned friends) are talking about going to a club. I mention, without looking around, that I've never been to a club, at least, not in the classic sense of "clubbing" and suchlike.
Dead silence. You could hear a pin drop. I might as well have just casually admitted to molesting pit bulls. It was immediately decided by Catherine and Walter that I needed to go with them to a club. But, in Walter's words, "You can't go looking like...that." I was annoyed, but swiftly informed that my current look (T-shirt, cargo pants or slacks, uncombed hair, no belt, etc) wouldn't do in a club environment. I needed new clothes. And Catherine volunteered to take me shopping so that I might purchase the new outfit I needed.
Fast forward to today. Catherine shows up at my door around seven and says "Let's go. Oh, and Dani [female friend number two] and Brie [female friend number three] are coming too."
"Why?" I asked. I was told that there were two main reasons:
1. They wanted to buy some new things, but this was clearly subordinate to
2. They wanted to help me pick out my new look.
Apparently, the prospect of a guy they could totally dress up however they wanted was an enchanting one. So we piled into Catherine's car and off to the mall we went. We milled around aimlessly from store to store before deciding on American Eagle, a store I had never previously set foot into but which was apparently "the" store to go to for this sort of thing.
There was a good deal of confusion over my pants size. This is about how it went:
Me: I'm a 34 waist with a 32 long.
Brie: So, this? *holds up a 32/32*
Me: No, that's 32 waist. I need a 34 waist.
Dani: Oh, like this one? *holds up a 34/34*
Me: Er...no. A 34 waist and a 32 long.
Catherine: I've got it. *holds up a 32/34*
Me: Sigh.
But we got things sorted out, and I had five or six different pairs of jeans to try on. Jeans were the capstone of the look I was vainly searching for. I don't own a single pair and never have, so there was some difficulty. As I am given to understand it, the "hip new thing" is for people to wear jeans very low on their hips. So low, in fact, that I zipped up too fast and caught the skin on my kneecap. But things were worked out, the parts of me that would threaten the sanity of onlookers if exposed were duly covered, and I obtained a pair of jeans that was suitable.
I must note here that I do not understand the fads behind jeans. Apparently, the big thing a few years ago was to put deliberate threadbare patches and holes in jeans. Why this is, I really don't know. I guess the image they wish to evoke is that you just wrestled a grizzly bear or something before you walked into the room. Also, these jeans came pre-faded in the front, which sends the message that...I don't know...you're really bad at washing your clothes. So wearing these jeans, I felt like a suicidal nature freak who always mixed his colors and his whites. But I digress.
I thought I was finished. But no...but no. Now I had to try on various shirts. I was brought a striped shirt which I liked for a minute, and then this fatal exchange occurred:
Girl1: [We met in the changing-room area. After Dani and Brie and I assured her that her thighs did not, in fact, look enormous in the pants she was trying on, she hung around and commented on my various looks.] I like your shirt.
Me: Thanks.
Dani: Yeah, I like the colors.
Me: I guess so.
Girl2: [We also met in the changing-room area, but with no amusing story. She was just there.] Yeah, that light pink is a good color on you.
Me: ...
Brie: What?
Me: ...
Girl1: You don't like it?
Me: ...
Dani: Uh...what?
Me: This is pink?
They didn't know I was colorblind. Well, light or not, I'm not wearing pink. I refuse. It's just...it would violate my Guy Charter. If I were to wear that shirt into public, a troupe of burly men would troop up to me and demand all my Y chromosomes. Yes, it's a pointless stereotype, but I'm sticking to it because I just don't like the color pink on me and this is a fine excuse not to wear it.
This started a new wave of "You've got to try this on!", only with shirts instead of jeans. And of course, with every new shirt, they needed to see some of the other jeans with it, and so on and so forth. I was prancing back and forth between my room and the full-length mirror at the end of the hall like some kind of demented wind-up toy.
After the shirts, I needed to pick out a belt. And then I was told that it was an unforgivable sin to wear a brown belt with black shoes, so of course I needed new shoes, and...well, you get the idea. Eventually, though, I got just the one pair of jeans, a green polo shirt, and a belt - all of which were on sale. Mom kindly consented to pay half of it, seeing as they weren't strictly necessary, but my parents usually do pay for my clothes, so she nicely agreed to meet me halfway. Did I mention how generous a gesture this was?
In addition to my new wardrobe, I was told that I needed a better posture. This is almost certainly true. I slouch terribly, anyone can tell you this. In fact, after I post this, I'll probably be able to hear my mother screaming "YES! YOUR POSTURE IS TERRIBLE! YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WHACKED YOU IN THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD WITH A YIELD SIGN!" I was told that with better posture, both men and women would find me more pleasing to the eye, and would surely offer me handfuls of money or perhaps offer to be my indentured servants. Well, I exaggerate, but it'll prevent me from having terrible back problems when I'm older.
I'm trying to keep this up nearly constantly for the next week or so, so it'll become second nature. As of right now, I look like some kind of evil chiropractor worked his demented skills upon me and twisted me into a human signpost, but it'll become more natural, hopefully. I also have an embarassing tendency to tilt my head forward and stick out my pelvis, but this too will be corrected. Perhaps the hordes of people screaming with hysterical laughter wherever I go will serve as an adequate sign for me that I'm doing it wrong.
I'd take a picture of me with my new outfit, but uploading pictures makes the text go all screwy on this darn blog, so I'll just show y'all in person when next I visit home. Or, to anyone who's up here...talk to me next Thursday.
That's about it. Today's Luke-Approved YouTube Link of the Day is this gem: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Tc3Uz64uuE I literally just found it and watched it. I couldn't not post it. It's "Hulk vs. Spider-Man & X-Men," a composite trailer made up of clips from all the comic movies. Well-done, I think.
REPLIES.
Vic: You read other blogs? I guess...I just remembered that I need to tell Jake that my blog is back online. And yes, all that made up for the extra expense. I'd say I hope you don't have to drop Sanskrit, but really, do what you have to do. Better a drop than a poor grade, a really poor grade, that is. And yes, we're on for Saturday, but not for Friday.
Vic: I don't want to hear it.
Steve: Don't give me that about dozens of degrees. I was right and you know it. I'm not installing a cracked copy of Windows, that'll just give me all kinds of problems down the road. I'll take your 2fort advice with a grain of bloody sea salt, thank you very much. I used your "enemies = icons" trick, it works, but not to the point where I can no-scope people from across the bleedin' map.
Vegetables are not tasteless to me. They mostly just taste bitter. Realize that my taste buds are all kinds of screwed up, man. All I get is bitter, bitter, bitter from most vegetables. Carrots are an exception, because they're fairly sweet, and I suppose I like red peppers after trying the one at home...but I hate most of 'em. I guess with enough salt, anything becomes not-bitter. And yes, Brawl is going to pwn noobs worldwide, just by existing.
Mom: Yes, Dad is great. Yes, so am I. *preen preen* I think it might have been the Syndey Opera House, but it might have been just Generic Avant-Garde Building. Besides, what's one wacky-architectural building compared to a false Godzilla that would have leveled the city? As for why no details...because it's a bit of a private matter. I just wanted to bring to light that we made up some important differences we were experiencing.
Dad: Well, given my track record with keeping track of important things, I could hardly be poking fun. It would be like the pot calling the slightly smudged ivory teacup black. And no bet, because I'm too depressed at the near-certainty that it's there somewhere.
Well, unhealthy food and wacky attractions are what the fair is all about, you know? And don't you start about the FSU/UF thing, not after Steve messed up my comments page with his blatant misunderstandings. As for Vic? We corrected some problems we'd been having and now have a better friendship for it, basically.
Bye.
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6 comments:
Here, lemme fix that title for you.
*In which I sold out
I'm going to have to take your geek license away.
Tsk tsk, man. Tsk tsk.
Send a picture to my phone so I can see this new look. I still find it amusing that you don't have any jeans while I have nothing but jeans.
There was no mistake. FSU students don't make mistakes, but I understand how a UF student might have gotten confused.
The windows isn't cracked, it's just not paid for. It is the very same code that is in every other Windows. The crack only affects the three files that handle "windows genuine advantage", a weak attempt by Microsoft to stop piracy, and you certainly would not notice. Trust my computer skills, when have you ever seen me with a computer problem, haha.
I told you the icon trick works. It works because a lot of people easily tense up when they get absorbed into the game and feel threatened by virtual enemies enough to throw their aim off. When you click an icon, you don't miss because you are calm and not thinking too much about it. You probably just don't have the no-scope experience. I know I developed much of my no-scope over years of counter-strike.
You know tastebuds are an adaptive organ? They might taste bitter just because you never eat them, like a cycle. The cells in your tongue, like all cells, exchange objects between the interier and exterier of the cells through diffusion. The concentrations of certain molecules in vegetables might simply be so few in your body that they are too strongly absorbed in your tongue, causing a bitter taste. That's how our body would typically detect toxins in the wild, because your body would likely have a very low concentration of that toxin. Just eat vegetables for a while and the bitter should go away. Remember, seasonings add flavor, use them.
Have you seen the brawl character list? Thirty-five characters! And some double like zelda/sheik and samus/zero or triple like pokemon trainer so there's really even more. This game is the reason I bought a Wii, and it looks like it won't disappoint me.
-Steve
Advice you did not ask for: clothes/vegetables. If 2 or more random females inform you that “you look good in that shirt” wear it until rots. Yes, even pink. If the color/pattern totally freaks you, do not wear it to class; save it for situations that might have random females. If some familiar female buys/chooses for you a shirt they “really like”, try to wear that shirt when with that female. Personally, I think that clothes should be worn to keep from being cold or arrested. I’ve never understood the fashion thing. As for "selling out"? Sometimes you have to pretend to sell out in order to keep fooling them.
Keep trying the fruits and veggies. After a while you may find something that you do not completely abhor. You’ve already made the first nutrition step with trying to not eat too much greasy stuff. I completely agree with Steve’s adaptive organ theory. Warning: when you get going with that personal trainer, he WILL mention nutrition. He will also mention...
POSTURE!!! Posture and body mechanics are the basis for all weightlifting. The more you exercise, you will find that the posture-thing becomes easier and more natural. You don’t have to walk around looking like ROTC wannabe. It also makes you look good in those new shirts.
yer frend, Karen
I look foward to seeing this 'new look' of yours...but I doubt it'll take me by as much surprise as your haircut.
It's true that girls will jump at the chance to make a willing guy their dolly. You don't wanna know of some of the horrible things Kelli's wanted to do to me.
And Luke, I already knew your blog was back up. Remember when this blog had just started up, and I made the stalker comparison? Remember??
I just didn't comment on your last post, is all.
-Jake
I completely agree with Karen's comments on fashions and vegetables and posture, and Steve's comment on adaptive taste buds. In the same way you are forcing yourself to do something you don't like for posture, consider that same approach for eating vegetables.
Your mom and I are in Spring, TX. It is a quaint western tourist town with many *many* quaint shops selling all sorts of things. She bought a keychain of a western saddle and several other things I did't see. We had lunch at a nice sandwich shop, and I spent 20 minutes talking to a man at the model shop about RC helicopters and planes.
Your mother has been having fun trying to find a native Texan. So far she has asked 11 people and gotten 2 hits. This is about the same as native Floridians...
-- Your Dad who loves his new phone
Hey Luke, pink is not so bad, but you gotta go with your own tastes, and I agree with Karen, if girls like it, go for it! I just bought you a Texas tshirt--I hope it goes with your new look. It's actually stained with genuine Texas dirt! Really!
OK: red peppers, carrots. Now try baked sweet potatoes; I think you'll like them. And peas. These are all high sugar veggies, but still veggies!
As far as your posture, most of my back shoulder neck problems stem from my bad posture, plus stress. You have a chance to fix it now while you're still young. Don't miss it. It will also make u look more confident and TALLER!
We're in Texas at this great resort called The Woodlands, and there's a bridge over these manmade waterfalls, which go from and to manmade lakes, so there must be some pump system. Anyway, the bridge is covered and the sides are glass, so I've spent literally hours sitting there, reading, writing, phoning and just looking at the waterbirds, esp. herons, fishing, flying, swimming. I'm sitting OVER on ON TOP OF water falls, looking down on them. Do you get it. That shushy sound-it's the most restful, plus the view is wonderful. God is good. So is your father, who brought me here.
What did the sports trainer tell you? I bet he'll tell you to stand up straight, and to eat vegetables and fruits!
BTW, I found two more Texans. That's 3 out of @15.
love you a lot,
Mama
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