Short Story: Writing A Blog Entry

The process goes mostly like this.

I am playing World of WarCraft or goofing off on the Internet or similar, and then it hits me: Today is either Monday, Wednesday, or Friday. That means blog day to me. So I open Internet Explorer (no, I don't use Firefox, and y'all elitists can go away) and surf over to http://ramblings-of-luke.blogspot.com where I am at currently. I check out my comments; a few more since last I checked. I read them approvingly (or disapprovingly in the case of Stephen's endless cantaloupe rants), and click "New Post." The empty white box fills the screen.

I must disclose something here. An empty text box, a blank white page, a Microsoft Word document open with only a single blinking cursor on the screen, these are both a writer's deadliest enemies and his worst nightmares. The blankness mocks him, taunting him about the quality of his work. How easy it would be, the emptiness seems to say to him, to just walk away and not even try. Your writing is garbage anyway. Blankness is an improvement from what you usually put here. To fill the blank space is a writer's joy; not just in having written something good, but in having conquered the emptiness and proved to the void that he is able and willing to create.

So I stare at the empty box. It intimidates me. To get my mind off it, I surf over to LUElinks, a forum-based website where I spend far too much time these days. I check out a few topics. See what people have to say about events of the day. Sometimes I get caught up in a political dialogue that generally goes like this:

Moron 1: "George W. Bush is the worst president ever! He should be convicted of war crimes and then shot. AMERICA SUCKS. Unless Hillary Clinton is elected in 2008, I'm moving to Canada."
Moron 2: "No, you jerk, George W. Bush is the Messiah, descended unto us in the form of a word-garbling Texan! Clearly there can be no fault whatsoever with the Mighty United States of America, the only country in the world where everything is perfect and everyone is happy."
Moron 3: "Yeah, if you like the oppressive social and economic construct that is capitalism. The fat-cat CEOs run the country behind the scenes and have secret ranches where they hunt their entry-level employees with high-powered rifles! If we were all socialist, there would be no violence or pain."
Moron 1: "As long as America exists, everything is violence and pain."
Moron 3: "That's because of the capitalist hegemony [note: people like to use words like "hegemony" without having the slightest clue what they actually mean.] that dominates the-"
Moron 4: "THE GOVERNMENT PLANNED 9/11! I HAVE HERE EVIDENCE [note: a picture taken by a blind and insane hobo six years before 9/11, badly retouched in Paint] THAT CLEARLY SHOWS THE MISSILE IMPACT MARKINGS ON THE SIDE OF THE WTC!"
Moron 5: "I voted for Nader. I hate everyone."

And so on. I really don't know why I spend so much time there. It's just a bunch of 15-19 year olds who think they're smarter than they are and believe they know enough about anything to engage in high-level debates. Hmm. Maybe I do know why I spend so much time there.

So I'll bumble around there for a while. Then I'll head back to the screen. It will continue to taunt me with its whiteness, its...formlessness. So I'll try to think of a topic. Random thoughts flash through my mind, and I rattle my memory for something, anything, interesting that happened since last I posted.

This rattling causes me to remember to call my girlfriend. So I do, and we spend a long time talking about penguins, seahorse DNA, and the finer points of why I should wear what is basically a dress to my wedding. (The last one is her favorite subject.) Yes, it's some Indian robe, but tuxedos were invented for a reason: They look slick.

So I'll burn up some more time speaking to her. With a "Love you, bye," I'll conclude our conversation. This only serves to bring my attention back to the still-unfilled text box. Frantically, I'll mentally dig through all the events of the last few days, hoping to find something noteworthy enough I can dress it with a few stupid metaphors and slap it on the Internet.

Then I remember that Catherine, a girl that lives down the hall from me, stopped by earlier and requested I stop by her room when I wasn't doing anything. Well, I think, I'm not doing much of anything at the moment, why not use this time before the memory is lost to the chaotic agglomeration of thoughts in my head forever. So I shamble over to her room, only to discover that the door is locked and no amount of knocking is budging anyone from inside. It's only then that I recall she also said she'd be gone until later tonight, as she had a test. Huh.

So I go back to my room. I've just sat down, when I think...Gosh, I'm thirsty. Luckily, there's a water fountain just outside my room and down the hall. So I get back up and walk down the hall a piece, drink my fill, walk back. I shut the door and sit down, and think. I think and I think, I think until I can't possibly think anymore.

All this thinking causes my thoughts to lead back to World of WarCraft, as they occasionally turn to, and that reminds me: I'm only four bars away from leveling. I got a few hours to spare, I reason. That's plenty of time. So I log on and start plugging away. At the moment, I'm leveling Devoutone, a shadow priest, and I'm currently stymied at level 33. So I run around, my little cartoony digital avatar in the little cartoony digital world, looking for monsters to slay and rights to wrong, occasionally getting killed over and over again by a grotesquely higher-level-than-me Horde player who apparently has nothing better to do than to follow around mid-level players and annoy them to the point of brain hemmorhage.

Eventually, WoW bores me. I log off. Again I am confronted with the blank screen. You know what? I think to myself. I'm kind of hungry. So I roll back my chair and mosey down the street to the Graham Oasis convenience store, where I pick up a snack. A stick of string cheese features prominently in these outings, but I'm not disinclined to pick up a bag of Goldfish crackers or a candy bar. Starburst is my favorite, and Skittles and Butterfinger follow closely.

Munching, I return home. I've barely sat down at the computer when it occurs to me...all this eating has made me thirsty. So back to the water fountain I go, for another sip. There's a small nagging in my brain that my time is beginning to tick down, but I ignore it. Plenty of time, I reason. I've got plenty of time. Besides, I'm just about to start. Hey ho. I pull out my chair and am seated once more.

The blank screen fills my eyes. I am hit with a sudden wave of demoralization. Just as I reel from this, an entirely different sensation grips me. Oh... I think. I guess I can't go to the water fountain so many times and not have to use the bathroom at some point. Nature calls, and none may not heed the call when it comes, so away I go, for a brief and mercifully undescribed period of time. That taken care of, I return to my seat. The jaunt has invigorated me. Truly now I will produce something worth reading, something that will last the ages...something new, fresh, and entertaining that'll take my audience (all six or seven of them) by storm.

I realize that I have to find a YouTube link. I leap onto YouTube and immediately get sidetracked by all the various "new links" that appear on the front page. Much later, as I'm watching episodes of obscure anime that I just happened to be linked to, I realize even more time had been wasted. Not entirely wasted, though, as today's Luke-Approved YouTube Link of the Day is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qCEyJ98QIU It's a modification of the Mario game series known as "Perpetual Mario," in which the level starts and finishes without the slightest input of the player. Not really a game, more like a movie, it makes great YouTube fodder. Especially when they sync it to music like they did here. They cheated a little, messing around with sprites and adding arrow blocks that fling Mario in their direction, but it makes for a good show nonetheless.

But first, I decide to go get a bite to eat. The snack didn't really fill me up, I muse. And it's getting on dinner time anyway. I wander over to one of the many restaurants on campus, depending on my mood. Today it's Subway, where I get a foot-long turkey and mozzarella on Italian Herbs and Cheese. Just like every time.

That's an interesting thing to note about me. I don't think of restaurants I've been to several times as restaurants, I think of them as individual dishes. I don't think of going to Wendy's, I think Hmm, maybe I want ten chicken nuggets, medium fries, and a Mountain Dew. Going to Checkers registers in my mind as Perhaps two Champ-burgers and a large Hi-C Fruit Punch would hit the spot right now. Even for non fast-food restaurants, this sort of thing occurs. Olive Garden? More like Cheese ravioli and about half a dozen of those garlic breadsticks. Mmm-mmm, breadsticks. I'd have some now, but I just ate and I'm not all that hungry. Shouldn't eat just because I'm bored.

At long last I am back at my computer. I crack my knuckles, blink several times, and generally make ready. Here we go. And it's okay, I still have plenty of time to...It's 11:37?!? I have to update by midnight!

So I panic and throw a bunch of random sentences onto the screen, make my replies to comments, and fling it onto the Internet.

My creative process. Enjoy it.

REPLIES.

Stephen: Well, I - wait a minute, you just switched from cantaloupe to kiwi! That's it. You've forced me to use force.

Steve: Well, my paper is quite difficult. I guess I should start it, y'know? Oh, not like that...I've done lots of the research and suchlike, but I haven't actually started writing. That's what this weekend is for. And yes, the better team won.

Vic: Far as I know, the game is about rescuing people from a burning building and finding your own way out through a series of mazes. And there's a difference between being boisterous and deliberately, if metaphorically, spitting in peoples' eyes like those chumps did.

Mom: I don't take it personally, but it kind of stings on the inside. Yes, I'm glad I joined the band, but not all the time. I generally wait until I'm posting the new post before I bemoan the number of comments. You don't have to comment same day, just before I post the next installment. That's neat, about the bats. Enjoy North Carolina, I guess.

Michelle: Good to see you. And I'm glad you prevail. I'll email you very shortly, and if I forget, my email address is gthunder@ufl.edu I'll comment on your blog soon. See you soon, I guess.

The end.